Motherhood .... Another week, another tweak!

back to school tomorrow … whoo hoo!

Another FAB day! — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 17:00:25 +0000

Gotta sort out Jordans school!!!!!

Mother-in-laws … we get on like a “MOUTH on fire!!”

Another FAB day! — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:43:43 +0000

Okay …. So show me a woman that gets on with her mother in law immediately ….. no wait …. Let me rephrase that question ………
Show me a woman …. Who is mature and respectful and loving enough to submit to her mother in law from day 1 …… hmmmm ….. doesn’t often happen, right?

Hmmmmm …… And so the fun begins:

Up until the beginning of this year …. I was NOT the emotional type ….. hehehe … Adre can definately tell you some horrible stories about the “cold” Nicky. Actually … pretty much everyone that knows me … can tell you that I WAS a very “emotionally unattached” person. No hugs and kisses …. No talking about feelings …. so cold and so “blind”! ….. now though …. For 2009 ….. I think I am officially in the running for the Gold when it comes to “chunkie-baalie of the year” – I like to call it “healing rain”! … lol!
I remember when I first started dating Adre …. I would sit at his house and watch him and his family interact with eachother …. His mom in particular is very sensitive to the emotional needs of the people around her and loves showing her kids affection. Small things like hugs, a tap on the bum while walking past, a kiss, playing with each other’s hair …. And so on (believe me there’s A LOT more). I actually thought for a long time that this was just over the top weird!!!!! I was actually quite offended one day when Ma tapped me on the bum while I was walking past her ….. my first thought was to tell her that I don’t appreciate the personal space invasion …. but something stopped me …… I tried to think of a legitimate reason for this action …. What is the purpose ….. huh????? But brushed it off to ….. hmmmm …. She could possibly be a bit on the “loopy” side. As the years carried on …. These little “playful actions” continued …. And was also directed towards the kids ….. I didn’t really read too much into it and would just try to avoid being on the receiving end of it.
Hehehe ….. God is amazing …… He will bring you to a point (at some stage in your life) where He restores something that was lacking in your life – even if you didn’t know you didn’t have it …… He will place someone in your life that will be consistent and sometimes persistent with something they say or something they do …… or even a personality / character trait ….. which will initially annoy the living daylights out of you ….. but eventually you’ll get it ….. eventually you’ll see the bigger picture ….. and that is when restoration takes place.
…..hmmmmm ….. not getting what I’m on about?????? Let me explain a little further …..
A little bit of background ….. for those of you who don’t know Ma (my mother in law) … Ma is a social worker and is by far the most “clued up” woman I have ever met when it comes to children! (there are 2 things that I have learnt the hard way …. 1) just because I have 4 children …. Does NOT mean that I know everything there is to know about kids …. And 2) I have to date, never, NOT EVEN ONCE, been able to prove Ma wrong with regards to anything pertaining to the wellbeing of our children … lol …. No matter how hard I tried).

Well …… Ma has this thing about her ….. this way of getting to you ….. and you don’t even know it.
She will reprimand you in such a nice way …. that you only “get it” 2 days later! As in …. You only “get” that you’ve been crapped out, like 2 days after the fact. Yep, gotta love the technique! Actually ….. I have seen her operate with Adre and Ilze ….. and of course other people. And she has a different way of approaching and handling each one of us. I think that she is a master in her profession! And with me personally …. she knows exactly how to correct me in a way that I am left with “food for thought” …. And not with a feeling that I’ve been corrected. (I think she has figured out that with me …. The term “food for thought” works much better than immediate confrontation) – I think she knows … .that I won’t get it immediately so that she can make a run for it … and NOT be in the vicinity when I do actually realize that she told me off. …. Lol ….
Well anyway … believe me ….. there were plenty of times where I would take offense …. And actually felt like I was constantly being annalysed everytime Ma was around ….. and my immediate reaction would be to lash out at Adre with the all time famous statement …… “your mother is driving me crazy ….. choose ….. me or your mom” hehehehe …… and still today, I sometimes get a little frustrated or “taken aback” when Ma points out something that she has noticed ….. somewhere that I am lacking ….. or something that I said to the kids that was too harsh ….. or an emotion from the kids that I did not pick up on ….. which always leaves me sleepless …. And wide awake in the middle of the night … with just me, myself and I …. and it always end up with the conviction of the Holy Spirit …… I ball my eyes out in the early hours of the morning ….. and the result …… REPENTANCE AND HEALING!!! …. And then I know that nothing Ma says is ever said in judgement …. But purely in love and guidance …. The truth of the matter is that Ma has played a huge positive role in my journey from teenage pregnancy to daughter in law ….. no matter how many times I’ve angered her … disappointed her …. Disrespected her ….. or saddened her …… she has remained constant …… with love and guidance.
I had a real crappy attitude towards Ma when Adre and I first started dating. I was 17 yrs old, pregnant with Adre’s child. I thought I was “all that” and just could NOT seem to gel with Ma. I would fight with Adre saying that his mom is impossible …… and of course the fact that I didn’t know Jesus just “added on stamps”….. I thought she was weird, always talking about Jesus …. Always going to church ….. what’s wrong with this woman ……. Thank You Jesus for Salvation! Lol …. who would have thought?
At one point, I even thought she hated me and was trying to kill me ….. I found it really “strange” that every time I came to visit …. She made CURRY!!!!!!!! Hellllllooooooo ….. I am WHITE …. As in caucasian ….. as in my dad comes from England …… the only curry I grew up with was sweet curry ….. and the only claim or right that my mom had to naming it curry …. Was the fact that she put Tumeric in it … to make it yellow … lol. I had never seen a clove and a barley leave before I met Adre. Infact …. As far as I knew ….. Clove’s were used to keep the ants away …. Hehehehe!!
Now you tell me ……. Wouldn’t you think that your mother-in-law was trying to kill you??? …. When, after eating her food ….. for some really strange reason …… you’re the ONLY person that is convinced that you need to be rushed to the emergency room for internal 3rd degree burns from your tongue right down your throat to the inside of your stomach …….. and as if that isn’t enough ……. After failing to suck milk through a straw, because of chronic inflammation of the tongue and mouth area ….. you end up just soaking your entire face in a bowl of milk … then …… as if that still isn’t enough punishment … you have this terrible sensation bubbling on the inside of you …… and you “register” JUST in time that it was the desperate cry of your “dikderm”…. To get your butt to the loo …….. hmmmmm …… and let me tell you …. that is when you start to think that this “mother-in-law situation” is more serious than you originally thought …. Paranoia of course finds the moment and kicks in with full force …… you then contemplate diarizing your every move so that if you happened to “disappear” one day ….. someone would find your diary with incriminating evidence against your mother in law….. and the truth would be told!!!! …. oh my word ….. 17 years old …… so immature …. and oh so stupid !!!! I clearly had a “wild imagination”…. it is actually hilarious now …. But back then I was convinced that I had to “watch my back” …. Serious!!!
Growing up in my house …. Was completely the opposite to Adre’s ……. I don’t have any bad memories from childhood such as physical or sexual abuse or severe hunger or even rejection ….. we were pretty happy ….. well fed and clothed, lots of laughter and happy times up to teenage years when rebellion kicked in ……
However ….. and this has recently come to my memory ….. as in …. So much so ….. that I now realize why I have battled in the area of receiving and giving affection ……
Looking back to my childhood …… as far back as my memory allows ….
I cannot remember my mom hugging me ….. or telling me that she loves me ….. or playing with my hair while I fall asleep ….. or tapping me on my bum as a sign of affection ……. Or just holding my hand while we watched tv …… I can’t remember my mom holding me just for the sake of holding me….. not because I got hurt and was crying …. But just because I was her baby …….. I cannot remember my mom telling me that I’m her little princess …. Her pumpkin or her sweetheart (which she actually started calling me when I was much older).
Don’t misunderstand me please …… although my mom and I had a real up and down relationship for most of my teenage years and more so after my sister died ……. We really became so close in the past few years before she died.
The night before my mom died last year ……. I dropped her off at home after she spent the day looking after the kids ……. My last words to my mom was ….. “thank you Mommy, I love you” …. (and for me …. It’s a big deal to say I love you – it really isn’t an easy thing to say) ….. and her response was …. “love you too, I’ll see you sweetheart”.
The next morning when my dad called me to say that he couldn’t wake her up …. I rushed over immediately. When I got there, and saw her lying on the bed, I knew that very second that she wasn’t there anymore …… I knew that she had said goodbye to me the night before.
Death is so difficult to deal with ….. and I think it’s because you realize …..the very second that that person is gone ….. that there were so many opportunities to let them know that you loved them ….. but didn’t! Oh I miss my mom so much! I see her in Jordan’s artistic and creative talents …. I see her in Kirsten’s “mother-hen” personality ….. I see her in Jessica – because she looks just like my sister – and my mom missed her so much ….. and I see her in Leandre’s stubborn and boystrouss response to absolutely everything. I miss her every day …. And probably will for the rest of my life. And even though she didn’t often express it …… I do know ….. that I was loved by my mother!
When I first gave my life to Jesus …. I slowly began to see that everything that I was complaining about with regards to my mother in law ….. was in fact NOT what it seemed ……
I think that God opened my eyes to Ma’s heart. What I saw was the total opposite to what I had been making my eyes see for the first few years of my relationship with her.
What I saw was …… a mother, who put aside her disappointment and frustration regarding the circumstance that we had put ourselves in ……. And welcomed me into her home, treated me as if she herself had given birth to me and allowed me to be a member of her family. I began to see that the taps on the bum, the kisses and the hugs … was her way of showing affection to her children – including ME!! …… and that which I had thought was weird and stupid and loopy ….. was in fact beautiful, loving, affectionate, caring and tender ….. all the characteristics of a mother ….. and she did not withhold any of it from me.
Ma and I were talking one day ….. I can’t quite remember the entire conversation …… but it was during a time where Adre and I were going through a really rough time because of something that I had done ….. I will never ever forget her response to a question that I asked her ….. (and I pray … that God Almighty would bless me with the same surrendering heart one day ) …… I asked Ma … “aren’t you angry with me …. How can you still be “okay” with me”? (“my feeling at the time was ….. how can you even look at me ….. are you not repulsed and disgusted in me“)….. and her reply was …… “because my son loves you”.
With the exception of my own mother …… I will never have more love, respect and appreciation for any other woman. For years …. I kept on telling Adre …. “you have NO idea how hard I’ve worked to fit in with this family”? …… the true question is …… “do I have any idea how hard Ma has worked to fit ME into this family”?

To Ma
Thank you for loving me because your son loves me!
I love you.
Your daughter, Nicky
Ps. I promise you I will do my best to fill their cups daily!

Monday’s child is fair of face, Tuesday’s child is full of grace ……

Another FAB day! — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:52:52 +0000

From bottom to top: Jordan; Leandre; Jessica and Kirsten

My brother in law, Wesley, sent this email to us a while back ….. there wasn’t a 4th baby comment …. so I added the truth about what mom’s do when it comes to baby # 4 …..
I thought I’d share …. as the truth really makes us look back and laugh at ourselves!!!

From Wesley: To Ilze, Adre, Bridgette, Roger, Ma and myself:

ILA, don’t feel bad my skat but you do most of these things (1st baby)
Nicky and Adre are the veterans!!! I mean they don’t even have a 4th baby on the list… LOL

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

Maternity Wear:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
fourth: for 9 months you live in 2 pants that you alternate every third to fourth day purely for hygiene reasons

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
fourth: you hate your husband for 9 months because he has once again put you in this position ….. you promise yourself that this time you will behave like a lady when it comes to crunch time …. however, you’re once again riddled with embarrasement after the birth because you managed to scream like an insane person and almost rip the “belt loops” off your hubby’s jeans while giving that “last push” …. shoooo …. i somma get goosebumps thinking about that pain again !!!!!!

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
fourth: you cannot afford to chuck away any old baby clothes (stains or te not) …. so you become creative and sew buttons or patches over the really bad marks.

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress–a whimper, a frown–you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
fourth: you train child number 1 to see to child number 2 and child number 2 to see to child number 3 and child number 3 to see to child number 4 …… only bother mommy if 1 of the following 3 things happen …. 1. profuse bleeding …. 2. there is bone protruding from the skin …. 3. FIRE!!!!

Dummy:
1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
fourth: you can only afford the R5.99 dummies at Seven Eleven …. NUK IS NOT AN OPTION PPL!!!!!!! Anything that hits the ground has a “5 second rule” ….. if you pick it up within 5 seconds you can put it back in your mouth because the germs haven’t had time to attach!!!!

Nappies:
1st baby: You change your baby’s nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
fourth: if you run out of nappies (which would be the case if 3 are simultaneously on nappies …. you use a baby blanket as a nappy) – you’ll be surprised at the absorbancy of a baby blanket …. and it’s soft so it doesnt cause nappy rash – been there – done that ppl!!

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
fourth: you MAKE your children do the floors, the dishes, the washing, pick up the dog crap, etc!! (indoor and outdoor activities)

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
fourth: you actually ask everyone you meet for the first time …. “so how are you with babysitting”?

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
fourth: you spend ALL your time on the phone looking for a babysitter!!

Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his pocket money.
fourth: when the fourth child swallows a coin, you give them “brooklax” to get it out fast because you need the money for “milk and bread”!!!!

——————————————————————————————————————

I think the most difficult time for me was when I came home from the hospital with baby # 4 (Leandre) …. Jessica was 2, Kirsten was 3 and Jordan was 7.
For about 3 months, I kept those girls in my room with me all day …. to make sure that I could watch all of them at the same time.

I remember falling asleep one morning with Leandre … after a difficult night with her.
Jessica woke me about 2 hours later to ask me to help her put the tap off in the bathroom ….. when she touched me I realised that her body was ice cold, and couldn’t understand why. So I got up to go put the tap off …. as I put my feet on the floor …. I realised that I was almost ankle deep in water. As I stepped out of my room, I almost fainted from the sight before me ……. water flooding (i really mean flooding) down the stairs (there were only 2 steps taking you from the lounge area up to the dining area next to the bathroom). Ankle deep ….. going “upstream”/ against the flow to get to the bathroom …. my initial reaction was “WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU 2 BEEN UP TO?” ….. and I will never forget the look on their faces …… standing in the corner of the bathroom …. soaking wet ….. blue lips …. and shivering uncontrollably from the cold …… man oh man … did I want to choke them!!!!!!!

Kirsten and Jessica had put the tap on in the bathroom basin, put the plug in, and were just so blown away at the mind boggling fact that if you leave the plug in the basin …. it fills up and starts flowing over …… suffice to say …… it took us over 2 months to get the smell of wet carpets out of the house!!!! And of course another 2 months to recover from the astronomical water bill!!!!

Up to this day …. we are still reminding the kids to make sure the tap is closed properly and the plug is out!!!!

Look, in all honesty …. having 4 kids can make you FEEL, from 06H00 in the morning …. that if you can just hang in there until 19H30 (bedtime) … you’ll be fine.

You sometimes even question your sanity … when it’s 3AM and you have 3 crying babies ….. and you ONLY have 2 hands …. which one gets first preference ….. i mean … come on ….. how can you choose ?????

And then of course …. you sometimes question your level of capability with your childrens basic needs and requirements … when it’s 5AM and you haven’t slept because Child # 1 start puking at 12, eventually stopped at 1AM ….. Child # 2 started puking at 1H15 and eventually stopped at 2H15 ….. then Child # 3 started puking at 2H30 and evetually stopped at 3H30 ….. and low and behold …. Child # 4 started puking at 4H45 and stopped …. THANK GOD ….. 10 minutes later ……

and the icing on the cake ……. its 5AM ….. the entire house smells like puke!!! …. and all the kids are sleeping on YOUR bed, next to DAD, who miraculously slept through it all - because their beds are full of PUKE!!!!!!!!! AND YOU STILL HAVE TO GO AND WASH ALL THAT BEDDING!!!!

and then of course ….. for the sprinkles on that icing ……
washing the bedding ….. hmmmmmm ….. dare i be so bold and be completely honest ????
oh what the heck … if you’re a mom …. you’ve done this before …. or the opportunity will still arise …..

Washing the bedding … does not entail …. just throwing it into the washing machine …… the non-dissolvable solids first need to be removed. And believe me …. at 5AM … without any sleep what so ever ….. having spent the entire night seeing the insides of 4 children splattered all around ….. you couldn’t care less about putting on gloves ….. so you grab those “solids” with your naked hands and chuck it down the toilet …… with so much anger and frustration (well really now … what else can you take it out on?) …. and at this point ….. numbness has taken over your entire body …. your sense of smell has gone to infinity and beyond …. you can barely see straight because of the tears that have welled up somewhere behind your eyeballs but you can’t even release it because your tear ducts are too tired ….

So … you get the washing done …. you administer medical attention to 4 sick kids for the rest of the day …. you cook the food and clean the house …. and spray so much air freshener to get rid of the puke smell … and your reward for that is an irritating nasal drip for the rest of the day …. AND you eventually get to the end of the day …. thinking that you have failed in some or other way …. just purely because of the fact that your kids have been sick …… and then ….. just when you think it’s pointless to go on ….. just at that very second that you’re about to throw in the towel and give up on just BREATHING …. just when you sit down and tell yourself that
you’re in over your head, you can’t cope, you’re not good enough, educated enough, patient enough, loving enough and you’re just a TERRIBLE mother ….. just then ….

the kids are feeling better ….. the smell of puke is gone ….. hubby tells you, you’re awesome and he’s so proud of you …. the kids give you little cards and love letters thanking you for looking after them …. Ma comes around with a pot of soup (not even knowing what you’ve just been through) …. and Praise the Lord …. even the dog rewards you by NOT ripping the washing off the line ….

hehehe …. well …. that experience taught me that the old wives tale that paints a pretty picture of children ….. might be correct in most ways …… however, they forgot to include the followingL

If Monday’s child starts yacking ….. you can bet your ass that Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday’s child is gonna YACKIT!!!! (and at that time …. they don’t seem so fair, gracefull and giving).

This post might not be exactly what you were looking for ….. however, I thought i’d do the “old wives tale” thing …. and add a bit of a twist!

Thanks for reading!!